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Did you know that converting “Frenchies” to Mormonism is equivalent to military service in wartime?

If you are interested in Ann Romney‘s response to Whoopi Goldberg on The View (which Mitt avoided making an appearance on… scared of Whoopi apparently) when she brought up the fact that Mitt hadn’t served his country in the Viet Nam War, take a look at this statement:

“Mitt certainly did serve his country during the war. He just served in a different way than most during that period. Sure, while many poor and minority young people were involuntarily drafted and soon found themselves knee-deep in cholera-infested rice paddies, you must remember that Mitt was also in a difficult spot serving Jesus, who as everyone knows made a special trip to America.”

“He roamed around the mean streets of Paris, riding a bike, and looking like a royal imbecile. You think he looks ridiculously uncool now, you should have seen him then! And it was a real hell-hole. Of course, he wasn’t being shot at or tripping any landmines, but he had to eat at 3 star restaurants! And he was doing just as important of a job as the Army was when they were fighting for Jesus and America.”

“He was out trying to baptize people in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Do you know how hard it is to get anyone to swallow this ridiculous shit? Especially French people! They’ve got all of this good food, wine, and they just LOVE to smoke and have sex all of the time. And you have to tell them to give that stuff up! Darn near impossible! Well, you don’t tell them that right away, only after you get them baptized. We aren’t idiots, you know!”

“So I’d like everyone in the media to stop pretending that Mitt didn’t serve during the war. He baptized 103 Frenchies by all by himself. How many conversions did any of those so-called “soldiers” perform? I rest my case.”

Hey… did you ever think of how dangerous it is to eat in 3-star restaurants?

Thanks to Ye Olde Soapbox for leading me to this one.

Quote by a Crazy Christian – His solution? Vote for Jesus!

Televangelist Bill Keller (said by some to be the most popular televangelist in America), is adamant that a vote for either Obama or Romney is a vote for Satan, resulting in condemning the voter to a life in Hell. Ordinarily, one could say to any American voter that this guy is completely insane. However, we don’t seem to be living in ordinary times.

Keller became an extreme, conservative Christian while serving a prison term as an insider trader in the stock market. Upon getting out, he went to Liberty University under the tutelage and right wing influence of the late Jerry Falwell. Like Falwell, he doesn’t separate religion from politics.

Here’s what Keller has stated on television about Obama and Romney:

“A Christian is faced with a difficult dilemma this November. It is literally Satan flipping a two-headed coin with his head on both sides. How can a Christian in good conscience vote for President Obama, who has proven to be the most pro-baby killing, pro-radical homosexual, pro-enemy of Israel President in our nation’s history.”

“On the other hand, how can a Christian in good conscience vote for Mitt Romney, a 5th generation member and priest of the Satanic Mormon cult. His Presidency would give his cult the mainstream acceptance they have always wanted since being founded 200 years ago by a documented con-artist, racist, pedophile, polygamist, and murderer named Joseph Smith. Conservative estimates are that Romney’s cult will add at least 1 million converts in the US alone. For a Christian, that means 1 million souls who will buy into a false Gospel and burn in hell for all eternity!”

Keller’s solution for his followers is a denial of government altogether – vote for Jesus:

“Jesus will never get elected, but if we can get a million people writing in the name ‘Jesus’, it is not only going to impact the election, it is going to make a statement that Christians aren’t going to just take whoever they are offered anymore.”

Here’s what I think: getting people to vote for Jesus makes them disown their identity as Americans. It also gives an advantage to Romney, since many Christian organizations are recognizing Mormons as Christians, despite what Bill Keller says, and a vote for Jesus would most likely to be a vote against our first black president.

Religion should not be part of our government and wasn’t intended to be by the Founding Fathers. Sarah Palin has raised the same issue… and she is just as wrong:

Frankly, I’d agree with John Adams before I’d consider the religious misdirection of Keller and Palin.

And you?

Quote from the Looney Bin..er…the Religious Insane:

I wonder why he’s no longer a Navy Chaplain.

Former navy Chaplain Gordon Klingenschmitt, founder of the lobbying group Pray In Jesus Name Project, appeared on a progressive talk show (The David Pakman Show) this week to criticize President Barack Obama’s endorsement of same sex marriage. He ended up promoting his theory that gay people unknowingly secrete invisible, evil creatures which find and possess certain animals, turning them gay as well:

“It is entirely possible — we know from the Bible, for example, when Jesus cast the devil out of Legion, he went into a herd of pigs. So, it is possible for demons or the devil to inhabit or invade animals just the same way they invade humans, and that causes the sin of lust.”

So, if you’ve been wondering what causes gay pigs, here is the answer from a guy who thinks the LGBT community has an agenda” to “repopulate their population by recruiting the children of heterosexuals.” And animals, too.

Klingenschmitt thinks everyone is borne heterosexual, but is converted to homosexuality mostly by gay television programming. So I think we can solve the pigs problem by just turning off the TVs in the sty.

What? They don’t have television in the sty?

Hmmmm.

 

The History of Conservatism since ’73…

As Rick Santorum shows himself to be the purest Conservative in Iowa, let’s remember the great model of the right that these guys revere the most: Ronald Reagan

(courtesy Kirk Anderson at Molotov Comix)

And now, as we hear from Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian, is Rick Santorum, who takes on gay marriage in a positive manner:

Rick Santorum is a super-straight dude who just happens to have a selfless obsession with other men licking each other. He now wants to give those men who have married each other something to make them look more Republican: a divorce! Yes, just like Saint Ronald Reagan, America’s only president to sneer at Jesus by divorcing. [Mark 10:11]

And folks wonder why I can’t find a way to be a Conservative. Perhaps it’s because they have been living in illusionland for the past four decades (I find it hard to get into religion, too).

Rick Perry and the Religious Right show their True Faces…

From TexasTrailerParkTrash:

What Would Jesus Order?

It’s been said many times recently that the GOP is living in a parallel universe, with their own set of facts that have nothing to do with reality as the rest of us know and understand it.

Here is proof, in living color.

These photos were taken at Rick Perry’s Prayerpalooza on Saturday, where he called for seven hours of intense prayer and fasting.

Apparently, the good folks who were in attendance didn’t know that fasting means not eating anything.

Either that, or they have applied the Michele Bachmann Rule of Denial and believe, even as you can “pray away the gay,” you can eat nachos and still call that fasting.

Hey, Babe… thanks for the word from Texas. Don’t you want to keep your Governor and not inflict him on the rest of us? 🙂

A Beautiful Day for the End of the World…

The sun is shining and it looks like a nice day for the Morgan’s Grove Market and the final side of the Community Garden deer fence.

But wait! Today is the Rapture according to Harold Camping, no? All those fine, saved people (and the bodies of the buried, saved people, arise from the ground and float upward) should be headed to heaven to sit at the feet of the Lord.

Except, it has not happened yet. Maybe later today.

I’m off to the Market in an hour or so. Elly is subbing for Ruth at the Four Seasons Book Store booth (which doubles as the Sustainable Shepherdstown handout area) and I’ve pledged to sit in for Joy at her ceramics booth while she uses her truck and the Fence Puller to stretch the last side.

Anyway, come Hell (which has been predicted for the likes of me) or High Water, we will get something accomplished today. Hope you do, too (unless you are taken up in the Rapture… if so, bask in the pleasure of knowing I was wrong.)

Zappadan for a Sunday: Jesus Thinks You’re a Jerk…

Frank performs this live with additional lyrics (printed on the screen for you), as he took on Jim Bakker and Pat Robertson in the 80s: