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Trapped and depressed…

I’m now in the sixth week or so of being trapped in the house, unable to go anywhere, no longer living the life I had been used to. Even in this highly medicated, lonely situation I’ve had two smaller seizures which means I probably won’t be allowed to drive or bicycle or anything in 6 months as the doctors had specified (there’s a state law!) I have to go seizure free for half a year and they will assume the meds work.

They don’t.

“Don’t you have any friends who want to take you somewhere?” says my wife on her way to work. I make a couple of phonecalls, get answering machines, and still don’t hear from anyone. I used to be able to drive around Shepherdstown and visit folks at The Folly and at Mellow Moods or walking up and down German Street. Now I just sit and think about it.

A depressed man sitting on a benchIt is so depressing.

“Don’t you do crossword puzzles?” my Mother asked the other day. I don’t. I don’t want to. I read and write this blog and endured endless hours of news programs showing Romney’s gaffes – not as entertaining as they originally were.

So here I am waiting for my cell phone to ring, or waiting for e-mail to arrive or for someone to knock on the door wanting to see how I was doing. Unfortunately, I no longer think it will happen.

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Amazing Word Game…

… forwarded to me this morning from my friend Tom Weisshaus:

This is amusing!

Did you know that, the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”?

And that “eat” is the only word that, if you take the first letter and move it to the last, spells its own past tense, “ate”?

And if you rearrange the letters in “Tea Party Republicans,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Shut the fuck up you free-loading, progress-blocking, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, violent hypocrites, and deal with the fact that you nearly wrecked the country under Bush and that our president is black, so get over it.”

Isn’t that interesting?
 

🙂

Wow… I forgot to put in this title… sorry.

“Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the legs that go first, it’s remembering the word for legs.”
Larry Gelbart

Another problem I’m having as I get older, reinforced by my turning 65 last week, is the slow dissipation of my memory. It started a few years ago with the memory of names… first of television and movie actors who I would see on screen and know that I knew who they were, but I was unable to come up with the name. A couple of hours later, while driving home, the name would pop into my mind.

That was bad enough… but then I started forgetting the names of students when I was teaching, or actors that I had directed a couple of days after the play was over, or people who I had known for a long time. Then I started to forget certain words, while I remembered their definitions. Weird.

I don’t remember dates and appointments (but, then again, I never used to, either) so I am completely dependent on the Calendar app in my computer, which I check with regularity and update constantly. I often carry a little blank page book with me to write down things that come up in conversation that I want to remember, or ideas for projects I may want to do or articles for this blog. Taking notes becomes more and more important.

To try and hold off the increasing loss of what seems to be verbal memory (I have no trouble remembering how to DO things or how to get to places I’ve been before) I am dedicated to doing five or six crossword puzzles a week… and of those I take on the most difficult: reprinted volumes of NY Times Sunday Puzzles. This keeps me coming up with words and names and solutions to word puzzles, puns and the rare bottom-of-the-list dictionary definitions that don’t always fit the common use of a certain word.

Names are a problem for me on crosswords as well… but I find that gaining two or three cross letters pops a remembered name into my mind fairly quickly. If that happened in everyday life occurances (“isn’t that A___o_ K______?” says my wife. “Yes, it’s Ashton Kutcher,” I come back with) some of my problems would get smaller… but they wouldn’t quite go away.

And there’s the blog. As long as I keep writing and using words, no matter how many times I consult a dictionary or a Thesaurus or a copy of Stage Directions magazine, I keep them all somewhere in my head.

I’m told it doesn’t get better… but I’m working hard to hold off oncoming darkness.