Category Archives: humor

Foreign Facts ( I was led into this from Dave Barry’s Blog)

 

One in three busy Brits believe it’s acceptable to answer a mobile phone call during sex, it has been revealed.

Read the whole article HERE.

 

Cartoon(s) of the Week – As Romney gets closer to the debates…

Tony Auth of Newsworks.org:

Romney plans health care for the 47%…

– and –

Rob Rogers in the Pittsburg Post-Gazette:

Is Romney sure he wants to cut off about half the contributors?

– and –

Kevin Siers in the Charlotte Observer:

Isn’t Romney the king of mixed messages?

– and –

Nick Anderson in the Houston Chronicle:

At least he has Ryan to depend on…

– and –

 

David Horsey in the L.A. Times:

Now if he could avoid the bad dreams…

 

Romney screws up his own crowd energy in Ohio. Who would have guessed?

Today on Morning Joe I realized why I like watching this in the morning and why a RINO like Joe Scarborough is fun to watch. Here’s what happened this morning:

They rolled a clip of Romney and Ryan in Ohio. Romney introduces Ryan to the crowd and the crowd starts cheering spontaneously “Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!”

Wow! They crowd is fired up! This is the point, right? Right?

But then Romney has a major conflict. He looks at the crowd and at Ryan and then he admonishes the crowd with his hand held up in the HALT position, “Wait a sec, wait a sec! Romney, Ryan, Romney, Ryan, Romney, Ryan.” (Emphasis Romney)

 Does the crowd comply? No. The crowd falls silent. They are not chanting “Romney Ryan”. Awkward.

Romney seems to think the crowd has complied and says “There we go. That’s great.” Gesturing confusedly back to Ryan, he says, “Thank you.” Ryan fidgets in the background, sticks his hands in his pockets.

Romney is oblivious that he just ruined the one moment of energy they were going to get. Another self inflicted wound.

End clip. Cut to Joe and Mika in the studio. Joe has his hands over his face, and he mutters in agony, “Sweet Jesus.”

Want to see what it really looked like so you can experience the morning entertainment for yourself?

Here:

What fun! 🙂

Salon is having a limerick contest…

 

Five rhyming lines might be the ideal way to describe Mitt Romney’s ill-starred campaign fundraiser in Florida. If you can put a limerick together, you can enter Salon’s contest.

Here are a couple of competitors:

At a meeting in Boca Raton,

Mitt Romney was filmed by a phone

Limerick King Edward Lear

as he quipped to his host,

“Through this race I would coast,

If I just had a darker skin tone.”

 

This man of the uppermost class,

Who hopes to gain critical mass,

Leaves nothing to chance, sir,

But pulls every answer

Reliably out of his ass.

Send your entries to limericks@salon.com. The deadline is 5 p.m. ET on Sunday. Please include your name and hometown. Good luck!

 

A senior view of Mitt Romney… this is a pretty complete statement in poetic form.

 

Here’s a 92-Year-Old Veteran’s Must See Poetic Deconstruction of Mitt Romney. I’ll put the complete poem below the video so you can share it with friends.

Mr. Maxwell is a very impressive guy, and he sticks a pin in the Romney balloon that promotes the Republican as having support of the elderly. He doesn’t

 

Ralph Maxwell

WHEREFORE ART THOU, MITT ROMNEY?
by Ralph Maxwell

O, Romney-O, Romney-O,
Wherefore art thou, Mitt Romney?
You flip-flop here, you flip-flop there,
You flip-flop almost ev’rywhere.

You ballyhoo what you’re gonna do
And then you pull a switcheroo;
You now malign what you once found fine;
Seems like you’ve got a jellyfish spine.

Obamacare, by you begun,
Now you’d trash it on day one.
Gun control you did extol,
But now you’re preaching decontrol.

O, Romney-O, Romney-O,
Wherefore art thou, Mitt Romney?
We’ve got no clue what you will do
Or what new view you’ll pander to.

Time was you championed women’s choice,
But you no longer heed their voice;
On gay rights, too, guess you withdrew
Support they once enjoyed from you.

Global warming, EPA,
Immigration, minimum pay,
Roe V. Wade, also fair trade,
All joined your flip-flop cavalcade.

O, Romney-O, Romney-O
Wherefore art thou, Mitt Romney?
So many things that you were for
You’ve turned against and slammed the door.

Stimulus and cap and trade,
Education, foreign aid,
Campaign reform, tarp rescues, too,
All victims of your switcheroo.

You take your stand on shifting sand,
We never know where you will land;
You vacillate, you fabricate,
A wishy-washy candidate.

O, Romney-O, Romney-O,
Wherefore art thou Mitt Romney?
As gov’nor you let taxes rise,
Now ev’ry tax you demonize.

You say regardless of the facts
You’d take an axe to millionaire’s tax;
You’d feed the greed of the richest few
The poor and middle class you’d screw.

Your tax returns you hide from view
What evil there lurks we’ve no clue;
If they’re not bad why hesitate?
Or is it they incriminate?

O, Romney-O, Romney-O,
Wherefore art thou Mitt Romney?
At Bain you plundered with a flair
And walked away a zillionaire.

You shipped off-shore, good jobs galore
To China, India, Singapore;
A job creator you are not
And to boast you are is tommyrot.

As a total fraud, Mitt’s got no peer
What we should do is crystal clear:
Let’s give Obama four more years!
Yes, it’s Obama — four more years!
FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!

 

Cartoon(s) of the Week – Romney had a bad week…

 

Tom Toles in the Washington Post:

Elegance does not equal mistaken idea…

 

– and –

 

Adam Zyglis in The Buffalo News:

The major element of this one speech brought Romney’s campaign to a halt…

 

– and –

 

Clay Bennett in the Chattanooga Times Free Press:

And Romney’s image is that of a horse’s ass…

 

– and –

Kevin Siers in the Charlotte Observer:

Unlike previous wealthy candidates, Romney ignores the average American…

 

– and –

 

Mike Luckovich in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

So, his image even makes the rich lose hope in his campaign.

 

 

Did Jill Biden make a penis joke on Friday?

 

An awful lot of folks on line think so. Take a listen:

So seeing Joe up close has an interesting interpretation. What do you think?

 

Tomorrow night is the Emmys… here are the shows that are nominated:

64th Primetime Emmy Award Nominations

Outstanding Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory • CBS • Chuck Lorre Productions, Inc. in association with Warner Bros. Television
Curb Your Enthusiasm • HBO • HBO Entertainment
Girls • HBO • Apatow Productions and I am Jenni Konner Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
Modern Family • ABC • Levitan-Lloyd Productions in association with Twentieth Century Fox Television
30 Rock • NBC • Broadway Video, Little Stranger, Inc. in association with Universal Television
Veep • HBO • Dundee Productions in association with HBO Entertainment

Outstanding Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire • HBO • Leverage, Closest to the Hole Productions, Sikelia Productions and Cold Front
Breaking Bad • AMC • Sony Pictures Television
Downton Abbey • PBS • A Carnival / Masterpiece Co-Production
Game Of Thrones • HBO • Bighead, Littlehead, Generator Productions,
Homeland • Showtime • Showtime Presents, Teakwood Lane Productions, Cherry Pie Productions, Keshet, Fox 21
Mad Men • AMC • Lionsgate Television

Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story • FX Networks • Twentieth Century Fox Television
Game Change • HBO • Playtone and Everyman Pictures in association with HBO Films
Hatfields & McCoys • HISTORY • Thinkfactory Media in association with History
Hemingway & Gellhorn • HBO • Attaboy Films and A Walrus & Associates in
Luther • BBC America • A BBC and BBC America Co-Production
Sherlock: A Scandal In Belgravia (Masterpiece) • PBS • Hartswood West for

Outstanding Variety Series
The Colbert Report • Comedy Central • Hello Doggie, Inc. with Busboy Productions and Spartina Productions
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart • Comedy Central • Central Productions, LLC
Jimmy Kimmel Live • ABC • ABC Studios in association with Jackhole Industries, Inc
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon • NBC • Universal Television and Broadway Video
Real Time With Bill Maher • HBO • Bill Maher Productions and Brad Grey Television in association with HBO
Saturday Night Live • NBC • SNL Studios in association with Universal Television and Broadway Video

Outstanding Variety Special
Betty White’s 90th Birthday: A Tribute To America’s Golden Girl • NBC • Brad Lachman Productions and Universal    Television
Kathy Griffin: Tired Hooker • Bravo • Rickmill Productions
Mel Brooks And Dick Cavett Together Again • HBO • Brooksfilms in association with HBO Entertainment
Tony Bennett: Duets II (Great Performances) • PBS • A Production of RPM TV Productions, Inc.

Outstanding Special Class Programs
84th Annual Academy Awards • ABC • Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences
The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards • NBC • Dick Clark Productions, Inc.
The 54th Annual Grammy Awards • CBS • AEG Ehrlich Ventures, LLC and John Cossette Productions, Inc.
Herbie Hancock, Gustavo Dudamel And The LA Phil Celebrate Gershwin (Great Performances) • PBS
Louis C.K. Live At The Beacon Theatre • FX Networks • Pig Newton, Inc.
65th Annual Tony Awards • CBS • White Cherry Entertainment in association with Tony Award Productions

Outstanding Special Class – Short-format Live-Action Entertainment Programs
Childrens Hospital • Cartoon Network • The Corddry Company, Abominable Pictures and Studio 2.0
The Daily Show Correspondents Explain • thedailyshow.com • Comedy Central Digital Media
Parks And Recreation: April And Andy’s Road Trip • nbc.com • NBC.com | Universal Television
30 Rock: The Webisodes • nbc.com • NBC.com | Universal Television
Web Therapy • lstudio.com • An Is or Isn’t Entertainment production in association with Intelligent Life Productions
The Colbert Report • Episode 7121A • Comedy Central • Hello Doggie, Inc. with Busboy Productions
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart • Episode 17087 • Comedy Central • Central Productions, LLC
Late Show With David Letterman • Episode 3602 • CBS • Worldwide Pants Incorporated
Portlandia • One Moore Episode • IFC • Broadway Video in association with IFC
Saturday Night Live • Host: Mick Jagger • NBC • SNL Studios in association with Universal Television

Maybe this is the debate you REALLY want to see…

 

 

 

The event will run 90 minutes and will be live streamed online on moderated by CNN’s E.D. Hill.  This is going to be good!

Huffington Post is now reporting the debate will be on October 6 at 8 pm ET. There will be a fee ($4.95) for the livestream, with half the proceeds going to charity. HuffPo has a video of O’Reilly announcing the debate, and Stewart has also made an announcement.

 

Some Wednesday Entertainment: Randy Newman’s new election song.

 

“I’m dreaming of a white president.” 🙂

Newman, who is white, is openly supporting President Barack Obama. He says he wants the public to find comedic relief in the song, but to also know he’s serious about his thoughts that racism is well and alive in the world — and in the current presidential race. He called racism ‘‘the great issue of this country.’’

 

Does Romney even remember what he has said in the past?

You’re on, guys!

“Running for president in the YouTube era, you realize you have to be very judicious in what you say. You have to be careful with your humor. You have to recognize that anytime you’re running for the presidency of the United States, you’re on.”

Mitt Romney, …quoted by the New York Times, in June 16, 2007.

Of course, when you have secret fundraisers with the wealthy you may not consider yourself “on.” It’s when you are put there against your knowledge that you should realize that there is no time when you aren’t “on.”

As to being judicious in what he says, we haven’t seen that level of control yet. What this portends for the debates is anyone’s guess.

Quote of the Day – The amusement of campaigns

“If somebody’s dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they’re gonna have to take what they get.”

– Clint Eastwood

Thanks, Clint. That makes it a lot clearer… and defines those who asked you to speak.

Cartoon(s) of the Week – Romney handles foreign policy

 

A note about this section of Under The LobsterScope. Every Sunday, unless I am hospitalized or on the road to a far away place, I do Cartoon(s) of the Week. If it’s a week where one editorial cartoon has stood out as towering above the others, that’s all that will appear. Most weeks, however, I present several of the best cartoons I have found, usually on a current news theme.

Your comments on this section, whether you agree with my choices or not, are greatly appreciated. If you send a sample of your favorite to appear with your comment, please include the cartoonist’s name (often hard to make out on the cartoons) and the publication it appeared in.

– Bill

John Branch in the San Antonio Express-News:

Perhaps Mitt should have avoided ANY comments until learning about the situation…

– and –

Bill Shorr from Cagle Cartoons:

Then again, why nor use foreign policy to campaign with?

– and –

Jim Morin in the Miami Herald:

Of course, supporting the President is un-Romneylike.

– and –

Mike Luckovich in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Mitt – you live in the mess you’ve made.

 

 

Bill Nye the Science Guy is a true hero…

… but he did not, as a mischievously placed article put out by the Daily Currant stated, use foul language and push science versus creationism arguments challenging Todd Akin to a debate.

This happened after a video was released on You Tube saying evolution is the fundamental idea in all of life science, in all of biology. According to Bill Nye, aka “the science guy,” if grownups want to “deny evolution and live in your world that’s completely inconsistent with everything we observe in the universe, that’s fine, but don’t make your kids do it because we need them.”

Here’s the video:

See. Pretty damned specific.

Just for your entertainment, however, here is Bill Nye on Seattle’sAlmost Live” in his superhero guise as Speed Walker:

Thanks, thanks, thanks to Bill Nye. It’s good having him around.

Quote of the Day – How Krugman sees Republicans…

“The Republican Party is where it is because that’s where the base is. You watch that whole primary process, Republican candidates had to appeal to their base, which is, by and large, elderly white people arguing with empty chairs.”

– Paul Krugman

See, Clint. That’s where you fit in.

Cartoon(s) of the Week – Romney’s Convention Bounce?

 

Clay Bennett in the Chattanooga Times Free Press:

This week we evaluated results…

– and –

Mike Luckovich in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

… and not all bumps are wished for…

– and –

Lee Judge in the Kansas City Star:

… but we know he’s ready to bring his bounce to ordinary people…

– and –

Bill Day in The Commercial Appeal:

… and he brought his bounce to the celebration of Labor Day…

– and –

Bob Englehart in The Hartford Courant:

…but most of us wondered when we would Labor again… especially if we elected Romney.

 

Why I think very little of Fox News.

On Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor” last night, onetime Bill Clinton ally (now foe) Dick Morris suggested the former president secretly wants Barack Obama to lose the election but won’t say so publicly because the Obama administration is holding Hillary Clinton hostage and it will kill her if he loses.

The look on Bill O’Reilly’s face and the tone of his voice during the interview demonstrates that even he thought Morris’ suggestion was ludicrous, though it is rather appalling that the two men appeared to laugh at the supposed “joke.”

Morris made the suggestion before Clinton’s endorsement of Obama’s re-election campaign during his well-received Democratic National Convention speech.

A congregation of assholes, no?

Harold and Kumar Go to the Democratic National Convention

 

One of the things I like about Obama and the Democrats that I didn’t see with Romney and the Republicans: they have a sense of humor.

Kal Penn will be hosting live coverage of the convention on BarackObama.com.

Kal Penn and the First Lady rehearse for the convention. The First Lady speaks tonight.

 

The Republican Guide to Female Anatomy:

 

Hey there folks… ever wonder how the Akins and Ryans and Tom Smiths come to their considered conclusions on rape and incest and the general needs of women?

Why, they have precise technical information like this:

Of course, the statements of “experts” are much appreciated.

My thanks to Rosie Fenton at pic.twitter.com/sReVt96H.

 

What if the Republicans were a TV series?

🙂

A great loss to my memories of Children’s Theatre in NYC – Remy Charlip dies at 83…

 

Abraham Remy Charlip  was an American artist, writer, choreographer, theatre director, designer and teacher.

In the 1960s Charlip created a unique form of choreography, which he called “air mail dances”. He would send a set of drawings to a dance company, and the dancers would then order the positions and create transitions and context.

He performed with John Cage, he was a founder member of the Merce Cunningham Dance Company for which he also designed sets and costumes, he directed plays for the Judson Poet’s Theater.

I remember him most as a co founder of the Paper Bag Players, one of the most important children’s theatres in the world.  He served as head of the Children’s Theater and Literature Department at Sarah Lawrence College,  was a winner of two Village Voice Obie Awards, three New York Times Best Illustrated Book of the Year citations, and was awarded a six-month residency in Kyoto from the Japan/U.S. Commission on the Arts. He wrote and/or illustrated 29 children’s books.

Charlip was the model for illustrations of Georges Méliès in the book The Invention of Hugo Cabret ( if you saw the wonderful movie “Hugo” you know this story), written and illustrated by Brian Selznick.

Great artist. Great loss. Fortunately he left so much behind.

 

Cartoon(s) of the Week – The Republican Convention is delayed a day… Women cheer!

 

Lee Judge in the Kansas City Star:

Republican Convention is waiting for women…

– and –

Kevin Siers in the Charlotte Observer:

Of course, the strategy is to attack Obama‘s speeches…

– and –

Jim Morin in the Miami Herald:

It’s a good thing women can turn off pregnancy when raped (thanks, Todd Akin)…

– and –

Rob Rogers in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette:

Of course, war is always an issue at conventions…

– and –

Mike Luckovich in the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

…and when they get elected they will start REGULATING.

 

 

Muppeteer Jerry Nelson Dead at 78…

 

He was best known as the Count and other characters on Sesame Street.

Nelson, who suffered from emphysema, died Thursday night in his Massachusetts home on Cape Cod, the Sesame Workshop said Friday.

“Every description of his characters describes Jerry as well. Silly, funny, vulnerable, passionate and musical, for sure. That voice of his was superb… We’re having a rough day on the Street.”

“Sesame Street” executive producer Carol-Lynn Parente.

He was the Count and  Sherlock Hemlock and Herry Monster and the Amazing Mumford. My kids grew up with all of them (and I did, too.)

In recent years, Nelson gave up the physically demanding job of operating the Count and other puppets on “Sesame Street” but still voiced the characters.

 

Christian Groups Support Akin

His party says it’s time to leave,

but Akin says he’ll just believe

the Christian groups that say “stay in there”

since they all see him upping their share.

Obama said this utter ass

must have missed a science class.

But all of this is hardly dimmin’

Todd Akin‘s cause: The War on Women.

 

And this from the Ragin’ Grannies:

Hee hee hee… Mitt Romney’s Joking Quote of the Day…

 

Speaking in Michigan, Romney came out with this Birther joke:

“No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place that we were born and raised.”

Of course, he has said earlier that he has no doubts that Obama was born in the USA. A hearty applause, however, met his comment. Still, it was awkward  for the candidate to play on the birther conspiracy , even after the president released his “long-form” birth certificate in 2011.

Reuters released Mitt Romney’s own birth certificate on the day when the candidate appeared with Donald Trump, who once again spurted out his doubts about the president’s birthplace.

Is this crap ever going to end. I guess when you have no solutions to the many problems we face, this is about as good as Willard can do.