Trapped and depressed…

I’m now in the sixth week or so of being trapped in the house, unable to go anywhere, no longer living the life I had been used to. Even in this highly medicated, lonely situation I’ve had two smaller seizures which means I probably won’t be allowed to drive or bicycle or anything in 6 months as the doctors had specified (there’s a state law!) I have to go seizure free for half a year and they will assume the meds work.

They don’t.

“Don’t you have any friends who want to take you somewhere?” says my wife on her way to work. I make a couple of phonecalls, get answering machines, and still don’t hear from anyone. I used to be able to drive around Shepherdstown and visit folks at The Folly and at Mellow Moods or walking up and down German Street. Now I just sit and think about it.

A depressed man sitting on a benchIt is so depressing.

“Don’t you do crossword puzzles?” my Mother asked the other day. I don’t. I don’t want to. I read and write this blog and endured endless hours of news programs showing Romney’s gaffes – not as entertaining as they originally were.

So here I am waiting for my cell phone to ring, or waiting for e-mail to arrive or for someone to knock on the door wanting to see how I was doing. Unfortunately, I no longer think it will happen.

About btchakir

Retired Theatre Producer, Graphic Designer, Usability Tester and General Troubleshooter with a keen interest in Politics and The Stage. Currently heard on WSHC, 89.7 FM (on line at and occasionally dabbling in Community Theatre.

Posted on September 19, 2012, in Announcement, Family, Health Care, Internet, Opinion, Television, Word from Bill and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Wish I was nearby, I don’t know you from anything other than your blog but would love to chat. In my thoughts and prayers, what you are going through, especially the loneliness can be unbearable… my cell number is on my Facebook info…

  2. PS Be happy your kids are both married and living away from home. That could be #1 on your list.

  3. Brion Noble Emde

    There are social things you can do at home also. What prompted me to write is my personal interest in social gaming. There are gaming engines like Vassal ( with many hundreds of class board games (lots of 1950s-now historical combat simulation games) and more. There is an active Vassal group on Facebook and always people looking to play games. They’ll teach you the games; they’re that into it 🙂

    I feel for you, really. I think you mentioned that there isn’t transit available for you. Is relocation a possibility? Does you community have health service outreach? (I’m just fishing here…)

    Anyway, I wanted to reach out to you with that one morsel: social, possibly multi-player gaming experience in real time, remotely.

    Best wishes to you. Have you ever read the Bloggess’s writings on depression, not to mention her other stuff? Here’s “Depression Lies”:

  4. Well, that sucks! Is that you sticking your head out of the dungeon window? lol. But seriously, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time of it. I hope they’re able to brew up a good meds combination that will do away with your seizures and life can get back to normal.

    But you’re still you, with your great sense of humor and your esoteric interests and you have plenty to contribute, so stop being so down on yourself. Ramona’s rules!!

    BTW, I’ve just started a new blog at WordPress and talk about things that suck! I just don’t get it! I can’t even figure out how to start my Blogroll, and I can see that’s just the beginning of my problems with WP. So how about a word of advice? Did you figure it out yourself or did you have to have help? I’m sooooo confused!

    Be well, and by all means, walk on the sunny side of the street.


    • Ramona: Thanks for the nice words. As to developing a WordPress blog, I did most of mine by trial and error. A blogroll should be put in by using the Widgets section of the Dashboard. A text widget with the html codes for each address will do it.

  5. Still do radio on Friday and Saturday mornings thanks to prearranged pickups and returns. It’s the one thing I have left that I couldn’t bear losing.

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