Daily Archives: December 17, 2009

I watched this while it happened this afternoon…

I thought John McCain was going to explode!

Al, you did a fine thing today. Holy Joe does not need to be glorified, extended or listened to a second longer than necessary.

An open letter to a number of politicians, including the President:

To the Majority leaders of the Senate, the House of Representatives, their Minority counterparts, the President of the United States, and various others (such as Senators McCain, Lieberman, and all the others who are making a mess out of our legislative system and the future of our economy and our government):

What the hell is wrong with you guys? Don’t you know we are watching all of you as you behave like High School adolescents and make our lawmaking processes a joke? Don’t you know you were elected by ordinary people like me and, while we don’t have hundreds of thousands of dollars to make sure your campaign hotel accommodations are first rate, we believed that in voting for you… all of you…that you would not only represent us, but LISTEN to our concerns and work together to solve our collective problems?

I don’t think you do. Any of you… and, frankly, I am losing faith in your campaign promises, your intelligence and intellect, and your ability to do the best you can for the majority of Americans.

Are you aware that at least 99.9% of the people who voted for all of you are NOT Insurance CEOs, or Bankers, or Stockbrokers, or, for that matter, Party Attack Dogs? We are working people… some of us long past the point of collecting unemployment as we try to find a job in the economy you have previously legislated into existence. Yet every day you remove your lips from some lobbyist’s backside and remove one more item from the list of reasons we originally gave you our votes. And, if you are an intentional staller like Mitch McConnell, a direct employee of the Insurance companies like Holy Joe Lieberman, or a Religion-created Anti- Abortionist like Ben Nelson, you are more concerned with making most Americans a species of serfs with no voice in the matter.

Well, I have a suggestion for all of you: Listen to what THE PEOPLE are saying and  try to factor that into your decisions. And I warn you, the people are NOT saying: “don’t do anything.” They are NOT saying “make sure my money makes the Insurance companies richer.” They are NOT saying “ignore where the Banks are spending the give-away millions you gave them.”

And Nelson… for you and the anti-choice contingent in general. If you’re going to take away a woman’s right to maintain her own body, then you have to do something similar to men… my suggestion is a law requiring IMMEDIATE CASTRATION for any man who gets a woman pregnant against her will or who stands in the way of a woman’s power of choice. And make this law publicly enforced! If you do, you’ll see how fast any Abortion amendments drift away into the night.

And Mr. President, it is time for you to get off your butt and take charge of the things we elected you for. We didn’t elect you to stay out of the way of Congress. We DID elect you to keep the promises you made… or at least to TRY!

I’m getting tired of ALL OF YOU. And I’m not the only one. Your problem is that you’ll wait until there’s an election to find out for yourself.

Quote of the Day – is Obama losing the Unions over Health Care?

President Obama must remember his own words from the campaign. His call of “Yes We Can” was not just to us, not just to the millions of people who voted for him, but to himself. We all stood shoulder to shoulder with the President during his hard fought campaign. And, we will continue to stand with him but he must fight for the reform we all know is possible.

Our challenge to you, to the President, to the Senate and to the House of Representatives is to fight. Now, more than ever, all of us must stand up, remember what health insurance reform is all about, and fight like hell to deliver real and meaningful reform to the American people.

– Service Employees International Union President Andy Stern

Kill The Kindle

My wife recently attended the AIGA graphic design conference and she tipped me off to this video: Kill The Kindle by graphic designer Charles Brock. The description at YouTube reads:

Charles Brock’s (almost) 60 second presentation at this year’s AIGA’s Make/Think conference. Being a book designer, Charles has an (*ahem) unique perspective on the Kindle. To clarify, nothing of value was destroyed in the making of this film.

Ready? Here it is:

I’ll top this off with one more piece of graphic designer’s humor from the AIGA conference. Famous graphic designer Stefan Sagmeister had the whole audience (including my wife who was surprised to see her head at the back of the audience where the camera was) on their feet singing that All Their Clients Drive Them Crazy. Enjoy:

Zappadan Animation Deluxe: The Dental Hygiene Dilemma sequence in 200 Motels

Bye Bye, Jeff Simmons… (Simmons was uncredited as a writer on 200 motels and split with Zappa around the time this was made. Animation by Murakami Wolf Productions …Jimmy Murakami and Fred Wolf).

Bad Conscience: Han min noon toon han toon han
Good Conscience: No, Jeff!
Bad Conscience: Han toon ran toon ran toon fran min han toon ran toon nan toon fram
Good Conscience: No no no!
Jeff: Man! This stuff is great! It’s just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom . . . ! Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission.
Good Conscience: Oh, I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, become a technicolor interpositive!
Jeff: Okay . . . Where’d you buy that incense? It’s hip.
Good Conscience: It’s the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on.
Jeff: I thought I recognized it . . . Sniff, sniff . . . Mmm, what is that, MUSK? Sniff, sniff, sniff . . . mmmh!
Good Conscience: Jeff, I know what’s good for you.
Jeff: Right. You’re heavy.
Good Conscience: Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don’t rip off the towels, Jeff!
Bad Conscience: Piss off, you little nitwit!
Jeff: Hey man, what’s the deal?
Good Conscience: Don’t listen to him, Jeff, he’s no good. He’ll make you do BAD THINGS!
Jeff: You mean, he’ll make me sin?
Good Conscience: Yes, Jeff. SIN!
Jeff: Wow!
Bad Conscience: Jeff, I’d like to have a word with you . . . about your soul.
Good Conscience: No, don’t listen, Jeff.
Bad Conscience: Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?
Jeff: You’re right, I’m too heavy to be in this group.
Good Conscience: Comedy music . . .
Bad Conscience: Jeff, YOUR SOUL!

Oh . . .
He’s
Too heavy to
Be . . .

Jeff: In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa’s comedy music. HE EATS!
Good Conscience: Jeff!
Jeff: I get so tense!
Bad Conscience: Of course you do, my boy.
Jeff: The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall!
Bad Conscience: That’s why it would be best to leave his stern employ.
Jeff: And quit the group!
Bad Conscience: You’ll make it big!
Jeff: That’s right.
Bad Conscience: Of course!
Jeff: And then I won’t be SMALL!

Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ti-diddly-diddly-dee
Ha, ha, ha . . .
He-he-he-he-heh!

Jeff: Cough, cough. Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest MILDEW rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions . . . It’s still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It’s made for the home! The office! On fruits!
Bad Conscience: This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like GRAND FUNK! Or BLACK SABBATH . . .
Good Conscience: No, Jeff . . .
Jeff: Like COVEN!
Good Conscience: Peace . . . Love . . .
Bad Conscience: Bollocks!
Jeff: What can I say about this elixir?

Mark: Jeff has gone out there on that stuff!
Bad Conscience: He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis . . .
Mark: That was BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff IS flipping out. Road fatigue! We’ve got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie!
Bad Conscience: You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy, Just GET OUT OF THIS GROUP!
Mark: Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff’s imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension. Jeff, Jeff, it’s me, the Phlorescent Leech!
Howard: Jeff, Jeff, it’s me, Eddie!

WOWWWW!
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR!

Mark: (right channel) Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, […] ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won’t slip off. Try it on your [Jim Bean Boy], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your . . . heh . . . on . . . on your pizza. Put it on your shoes, tie your mic with it, and fill up your tires with it.

Howard: (center) Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it’s a Rit tie-dye kit, you won’t even believe what’ll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can’t even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a . . .

Jim Pons: (left channel) Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it.

What?
WOWWWWWW!
What can I?
WOWWWWWW!
What?
What can I say about this?
WOWWWWWW!